BBS (49)

Translator: Wan ED/PR: Personal Ghost

 
[Translator’s pre-chapter note: I would usually respect author-nim’s choice of no warnings, but for this particular one I’ll break this rule. Warning for the topic of suicide.]
 

⟨Chapter 49⟩
 

Baek Ran replied:

“Yes.”

“Then…”

Section Manager Bak held up the wine cup in his two hands.

But once it raised to his chest, his hands stopped. He didn’t move any further and just looked at it blankly. Yu Dan asked:

“Why aren’t You drinking?”

“Ah.”

He held up the wine cup again.

But this time too, his hands stopped. He didn’t hold it above his chest.

“What’s the matter?”

Baek Ran asked:

Manager Bak didn’t reply for a while, and then only barely opened his mouth:

“… I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure? Uncle, what are you talking about? What are you unsure about?”

“At first when this seed sprouted in my body, I was terrified. However, separately from that, the dream the seed showed me was beautiful. I had to escape that dream. I have a family. I have a company. I have to quickly pluck it out and return to how I was before. I thought so, but…”

“You thought so, but?”

“When I was really about to pluck it out, I became somewhat hesitant.”

Manager Bak looked down at the alcohol in the cup.

“Do I really want to return? To that reality?”

Yu Dan was startled.

“What are you talking about? What if you don’t go back? What about your family? They’re so precious to you!”

“Well…”

He sighed.

“Family, you say… We married out of true love, but now I don’t know. I think we just became strangers.”

“Everyone is like this! We live with this!”

“I know. The love takes effort. But I abruptly had such a thought. Why do I have to put in such an effort? Why do I have to struggle so much working hard to maintain it? Kids are the same. At some point, the only thing we talk about is money. They always say ‘Love you dad’, but somehow it feels empty…”

“That’s because they can’t express themselves!”

“No.”

“They’re like this because you became distant. Tell them to come back right now!”

“…”

Manager Bak slowly took out his phone.

He opened the message that came with the name ‘father’.

Did you send money? I don’t have money for this month’s living expenses.

He blankly opened the inbox.

I have to pay the kids’ tuition, but the bank balance is insufficient. Please check after a call.

Dad what are you doing? The card isn’t working.

You made some money with your stocks? Let’s set a date next week.

Papa♡ give me some allowance to buy clothes.

“I was out of my mind for a few days, but…”

Manger Bak’s shoulders slumped. He skimmed through the archive, as if searching for a message that wasn’t talking about money, but there was nothing.

“That’s the end of the person, who tried to solve everything with money.”

He bitterly mumbled.

“Now I know for certain. My life is a failure. I only lived imitating what everyone else was doing, but in fact I was never once happy. The only moment when I truly felt happy was just in that dream…”

“…”

“It seems that something went askew in my head. Now I know why people jump from their companies’ rooftops. I think I’ll also become one of them soon. So rather than that…”

The silence fell.

“I understand.”

Baek Ran spoke up.

“If so, the place You have to return to is not reality but that dream.”

“What?”

Yu Dan looked at the fox in shock.

“It can’t be!”

“Yes. I understand.”

Baek Ran nodded.

“In fact I also think it’s a difficult problem. Bear and endure. Work harder. The good days will come. The world tells such things to people. It keeps breathing enthusiasm into the toiling and tired souls. However, even with something akin to injecting them with brainwashing, there are lives that can’t be helped at all. Something ended up completely wrong. Even if You don’t want to acknowledge any of that, some lives end up ruined.”

“…”

“Because they will be blamed if they don’t live diligently, because it’s a sin to give up, the souls will be just stomped and dragged around. That’s not living. It’s just not dying. But even then, the world forces them to work hard. Even though Your life went wrong, You have to endure and search for happiness somehow. But isn’t that abuse? I think that anyone has a right to not put in effort they don’t want to.”

Those were words with a strange feeling.

It was difficult to understand. Did he mean it was bad to live diligently? No one would think so. Was it because he was a yokai? It seemed like he crossed the world’s tactic line of this is this and that is that.

Perhaps there was no such line from the beginning.

“Yeah. I don’t want to return to such a life…”

Manager Bak bowed his head.

“However it’s a bit complicated if that’s to happen.”

Baek Ran spoke as if persuading him nicely.

“If You switch places with the tree and be reborn in the Peach Blossom Spring, the person of this world called ‘Section Manager Bak’ will die. It’s not just running away on Your own, it’s exactly the same as a suicide.”

“If I sell my stocks and estate beforehand, everyone will live comfortably for the rest of their lives. And everyone will be much happier.”

“However it’s difficult because I, Cheon-ho, who helps the people I meet, couldn’t give a divine drink and install strength, and instead aided in suicide… According to that interpretation, it’s a pretty shameful case.”

The blowing wind dropped a blue petal in the wine cup. Baek Ran stretched out his hand and picked it up.

“Of course, whether it is or not, I act according to my own heart. Based solely on my own choice, I returned You to the ‘place You should return’, and believe it’s the right choice. No one can interfere with that. It’s just another thing among numerous others that only I should know about. But the problem is that we aren’t the only ones here.”

The fox’s eyes turned his way.

“What do You think?”

Yu Dan was embarrassed.

“Me?”

“Yes. Until now, haven’t You been making a face saying You really don’t like this situation? That’s natural. One is a yokai, the other is a human. The thinking is fundamentally different. Someday they can clash.”

Baek Ran spoke calmly.

Really? Weren’t they clashing right now?

Yu Dan tried to somehow persuade this middle-aged company worker. He wished he would drink the divine drink to regain the strength to live and return to reality. He believed it would help him.

But in truth, didn’t the person in question want to leave this world? Wasn’t it death just like the fox said? What’s more, a death no one remembers and misses?

As expected, it was difficult to accept.

“How about it? Do You feel uncomfortable? If so, then stand up and leave please. The memory of everything, which happened here, will be erased.”

The fox yokai’s tone was serene as before.

“If not, are You planning to force him to drink this alcohol? Please try Your best. If not that either, will You try to persuade me? Please do Your best about it too. If not….”

“I have to make a choice again?”

“Correct.”

Yu Dan looked at Section Manger Bak.

When he entered the yard, he thought everything would end. He will just drink the alcohol, the seed will fall off, he will energetically return to the ‘reality’, the bad dream will be over, and he will forget everything.

He didn’t expect something like this.

But… Wasn’t it what he wanted?

Wasn’t it a choice only he himself could make? Everyone makes choices based on what they want. They may make choices that are difficult to understand at the first glance. Like the Wisteria Flower Lady, who jumped under the chandelier.

It wasn’t something for others to judge.

He said that the money, success and even family didn’t bring him happiness. He said that he felt empty after he kept on living like that. That the only time he felt truly happy was…

Yu Dan lowered his gaze.

“I think you’re right.”

Baek Ran replied:

“You may regret it later.”

“That’s something for later.”

Yu Dan spoke again:

“You’re right. We have to send him to the Peach Blossom Spring.”

Manager Bak, who looked between the two, finally let out a breath.

“Thank you.”

He put down the wine cup.

“You have worked so hard to bring such a precious alcohol for me, a person you don’t even know. I have no shame.”

His voice was hoarse.

“But you were truly of great help to me. I wished all along. That someone would save me…”

Yu Dan just listened to him quietly.

He wasn’t sure if it was the right choice. If it was going to turn out like this then he thought he was running a fool’s errand. It was such a strange feeling.

“Then… Can I just go?”

“Yes.”

Baek Ran replied.

The man stood up, passed the dense trees with blue flowers of plum blossoms and entered the shop across the yard. The yokai in the shop were surprised seeing his chest in the same state as before.

“Manager Bak-nim…?”

The man looked at the wild ginseng yokai boy, who opened his eyes wide, and smiled at him.

“My name is Bak Dongseok.”

He took off the horn-rimmed glasses, which slid off from his nose and put them on the table. And then he opened the door and left. It was a bit wobbly, but his gait was strong.

Everyone watched his back.
 

***
 
The sun began to set.

Under the red-dyed sky, the forest of skyscrapers glistened in the clear red light as if painted.

… Here it was.

Yu Dan stopped in front of a certain enormous building.

It was the company that was on the business card.

The revolving door turned quickly, as the employees left. Some looked tired, some looked happy. Behind their backs, busy to return home, unfolded a street thick with the tree line.

A scenery he was always looking at.

Yu Dan slowly walked the tree street.

In the gradually thickening red light, the trees shook in the wind. He passed them one after another, while examining them and at last he found it.

A tree which resembled a person.

The parts that popped out at the bottom of the trunk looked like two legs. The branches stretching up looked like two arms. In the rugged bark he could find a part that looked like a person’s face. The eyes, nose and mouth were clear.

In the part corresponding to the chest was a hole. Yu Dan looked into the hole.

Inside was only darkness. But as he closed his eyes and quietly concentrated, he felt as if a marvelous smell suddenly wafted over him. And he seemed to hear some kind of sound.

Yu Dan opened his eyes.

“Are you happy there now?”

He asked the hole, but there was no answer.

Standing in place, he observed it for a while.

The hole gradually shrunk and finally disappeared. When he looked at it again, it was an ordinary tree. He couldn’t differentiate it from other street trees. Just when the wind blew, he heard something like laughter from the shaken leaves.

Yu Dan went back.

Looking at the scarlet evening glow, he abruptly had a thought.

Everything in this world is said to have value. Money, fame, family. The man, who couldn’t find happiness in any of that, wished for just one thing—.

For someone to save him.

He said that.

Yu Dan’s footsteps shifted to the road splayed out in the dusk. He crossed the crosswalk and went down to the subway station.

Was that it? The thing the fox yokai wanted?

Something that can’t be exchanged for any kind of treasure. Something anyone ultimately wants. If not for that, we’re no different from the dead, but there is actually nothing special about a person, who gets it. Something no one can obtain for you, and you can only search for it on your own. You may struggle your entire life to get it, but if you can just obtain it, you may call it your greatest blessing.

… Was it salvation?

The fox was looking for salvation?

The subway entered from the dark tunnel. After the door opened Yu Dan went to the empty seat and sat down.

Because of an abrupt thought, he put a hand in his pocket and took something out.

Horn-rimmed glasses. The last item left by the man who departed to the Plum Blossom Spring.

He put them on his bag, and quietly looked at them, and then tried to wear them just once. His vision spun and he didn’t see anything.

With a watery sound, he had a strange feeling. Yu Dan put strength into his eyes.

He glimpsed a boy wearing thick glasses. A life of a certain person flashed before his eyes.

He lived so diligently, but…

No. He can become happy. He will be. No one may know, but he will find his happiness.

He was dizzy, but he didn’t take off the glasses.

He heard the sound of the city over his shoulder. It was noisy.

Wouldn’t it be rather better if everyone became trees. If everyone had a seed of the Plum Blossom Spring, then the city would be quiet, right?

The city of quiet trees.

It was vivid through the blurry glasses.

A dream-like scenery appeared in his vision.

The place of an always warm spring. The place were the wind and the ground are soft. The place where air is filled with a sweet scent.

One of the trees of this place suddenly turned into a person. A boy with small sangtu[1] on each side of his head popped out of the tree. Everyone welcomed this child. The laughter spread in all directions like bubbles bursting underwater.

Perhaps it wasn’t a dream.

Then he had to come back and talk with him.

Yu Dan thought.

Outside the rattling window, the night city flashed.
 

*~*~*
 
[1] sangtu — a type of topknot.
 

Translator’s note: … It’s not something I can speak about, nor can I agree or disagree with this chapter’s philosophy. But can you do something for me and go eat your favorite food? Thank you very much for reading.

End of the story ‘Peach Blossom Spring’.

 

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